WTG Devin

You know what I hate? Lots of things. If you asked me to list all the things I hate, I think I would pass out from exhaustion before I stopped. People who study intelligence call a person’s ability to generate creative ideas by exploring many possible solutions ‘divergent thinking.’ I am a genius at hateful divergent thinking.

One of the many things I hate are blogs. What’s the point of a blog? Do they tell a story? No. Do they make people smarter? No. Are they entertaining? Sometimes. But who needs more entertainment? Did you forget to download the entertainment application on your iPhone? Do you want to know why you’re fat and haven’t accomplished anything with your life? It’s because you’d rather read a blog than do something constructive with your time. In fact, you just gained a pound reading this sentence. Stop reading blogs and go do some push-ups.

Who writes blogs? Who thinks their opinions and advice are so important that they need to force them on basically everyone? Narcissistic trash-holes, that’s who. If someone has so much time on their hands they can write a blog, maybe you shouldn’t be listening to them. So instead of reading 100 ways to decorate your foyer, maybe you should read 100 ways to stop sucking:

1-94 – Stop reading blogs.
95 – Do some push-ups.
96 – Run to the nearest body of water, swim across it, then run home.
97 – Every time you do something stupid, slap yourself.
98 – Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it.
99 – Wake up singing, drink water until you vomit, then saddle your horse and raid your neighboring tribe.
100 – Invent a time machine so you can go back and convince your mom this whole pregnancy thing is a bad idea.

And yes, I see the irony.